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Love Poem.

Love is not created or destroyed,
It only changes form
And somewhere my dignity crept in
I had no choice but to let it transform
You see,
I tried writing you a love poem
But I wrote one for myself instead
The way I dance around the room
The way I laugh at everything like it’s the best joke ever
Falling asleep on everything and talking like silence should be imprisoned
Infatuated with my way with words
Blonde and blue hair with gray eyes
Eyes sparkling eager to pour out like gray skies
I dreamt about you and you’ve failed to meet my expectations
But goddamn I lived up
Kanye once said
I love myself way more than I love you
Ya see, I tried writing you a love poem
But I don’t love you
I’m too busy catching up on the sleep I’ve lost from men who didn’t think I was good enough
And catching up on the years I didn’t think I was beautiful
Turns out we were all wrong
Because the love I thought was for you
Blossomed into love for someone far more deserving
Someone who stood beside me all these years
I tried writing you a love poem
But I wrote one for myself instead
As it turns out, I’m the one who earned it

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I couldn’t get the lid off the paint stripper I’ll need you’re help when you get home

Thanks for sharing your texts with me Amy and inspiring me.

It’s 4am,
I cannot sleep
So I made a pot of coffee
Started writing and promised I’d try again tomorrow
I realized I sleep a lot better when I’m beside you
But when you’re here I’d rather be wide awake
As I took off my covers and slid out of my bed
I realized that love is not made late night between thighs
But in midday texts to your husband that say
“I couldn’t get the lid off the paint stripper
I’ll need your help when you get home”
Because when I had met you I was just realizing who I was
And you saw it right away
I think we both love her
It just took me 23 years to love every curve, every impulsive 4 am decision, the way I scrunch my face up
And you always have
You’ll always love me in the mundane moments
Running upstairs to rescue you with toilet paper
The way I brush my teeth
How I lay on the floor for no reason
So when I texted you about the paint stripper
I meant I love you
That you make me safe
And that I know your always happy to help

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Your New Girl

I never expected you to wait for me
But deep down in my heart I always hoped that you would
I know our ship had left the harbor so long ago
That no one knows where it is
But I was hoping one day we could at least find the remnants
I like your new girl
She makes me laugh so I know your laughing too
But I’ll never get used to the fact that you were the right man
At the wrong time
I hope she decorates your dreams like you decorated mine
I hope she makes you smile
I want so bad to be angry but I know it isn’t right
I hope you don’t forget me
42 stories up looking a the whole city
You pinch me and I’m reminded we were only just a dream
What we could’ve been will always be my favorite bedtime story
One day I’ll tell it to my children
To remind them we don’t always get what we want but,
One day we’ll want something different
I don’t walk under that bridge anymore
I let the path escape from my memory
Hoping not see your face amongst the trees
In fear that she will be with you.
I see you enough in Snapchats
Sitting on bar patios
Beer in hand under twinkle lights when you remind me
She’s you’re queen.
I like your new girl.
But only because you like her.

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“On Writing”

Writing is the only thing I ever felt any good at
And if were being honest,
I’m not that great
But sometimes stringing words together
And making something beautiful
Can feel an awful lot like freedom
I want to dance away the ache in my chest into sentences
To hold up the stained glass of my joy
And let it sparkle in the sun
To capture my love like sunrises on instagram
And call it art
To cry at every keystroke, whether from joy or pain
Because writing is the only thing
I never wanted to give up on
Starting at the first piece of shitty poetry I wrote when I was thirteen
I knew I’d be here a while
I camped out in the forest of my imagination
Riding down the river of all my emotions
And pitching a tent in the starry skies of all my hopes and dreams
Until one day,
I built a house with every word I wrote
An investment in every sentence
Complete with a picket fence
I raised every story until they grew old enough to stand alone
I showed them to everyone who stood still long enough to listen
Writing is the only thing I ever loved enough to want to be good at
To spend my days plagued with ideas
Scribbling down words in free moments at traffic lights and crosswalks
To wake up at 3 am with poetry written in dreams
I turned the tent in the forest of my imagination into a mansion
And there’s no place like home

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It is in the first hours of the morning
When the sun is just barely stretching over the trees
And toes wiggle over dew kissed grass
Soft fog lingering
Rubbing your tired eyes
Stretching your arms to the clouds and down back to me
That I wish to see you the most
Place a soft kiss on your cheek and remind you
That I love you
And to do this every sunrise
For all of eternity
will never feel enough

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Who lives, who dies, who tells your story…

  1. Please understand that is a Hamilton reference above you.
  2. I have decided to post my mental health journey for the public, not in written form but in video form, on YouTube, and I invite you all to watch. The more I think of it the more lucky I feel to be alive.
  3. Feel free to share your stories, on this thread, in the comments or DM me on Twitter or Instagram @CandyCain152
  4. I have intentions of using this channel for videos of me reading my poetry, so feel free to subscribe if you are interested.

Here’s the link:

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I wonder what it’s like to be the ocean,
Not in it’s beauty
But in it’s calmness.
On the surface,
Things seem fine,
it’s pretty clear
sometimes there’s oil spills
And garbage I don’t have the resources to
Clean up.
But I too
have dark parts that I
Can never dive deep enough
To understand.
I never learned how to swim
Because I was too afraid of drowning.
But today I go in waist deep,
And let the waves beat against my chest-
To let it overtake me
So I can take in
Its power.
And though sometimes
I feel like Mariana’s Trench,
A part of me only God can understand,
A darkness mankind may never see the bottom of,
I want to partner with the moon
To make waves.
To touch hearts and bring smiles,
And give life.