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nudes.

I SENT YOU MY EMOTIONAL NUDES
The ones of my heart
Not my boobs
Baring unto you
Every scar
From every blade I pressed to my wrist
And all the pain that lead me there
At three a.m. you are laying beside me
Temporarily awake from the sleep
We both so desperately need
Wrapping your arm around me
And asking me about my mother
What it was like to care for her at only 17
To try graduate high school and keep my mother alive at the same time
I tell you all the things that make me miss her
And when my eyes water as we drive past the overpass on Hudson and Weber
Where my stepfather crashed when I was only 15
There is not a bump in the road when you tell me how much you love me
And when I in detail describe all the times my Father left
How he is just another man to whom I will never be good enough for
And that everytime I walk through his door
I want to die
Entrenched in reasons why
He couldn’t stick around
That I was up for 5 days straight
Searching for an answer
To what I did that made him not want to be there for me
I paired it with all the reasons
I would never be good enough for you either
I tell you about all the men with whom I have shared pillows
That have subsequently left tear stains on them
And you don’t bat an eye
Or two days after our first date
When I’m up way too late
At my father’s house texting you that I know where he keeps his gun
And I want nothing more than to taste it
I told you everytime I tried to die
All the reasons why I wanted to
A long list of measures and standards to which I will never meet
So what’s the point in fucking trying
The day you broke up with me I wanted to die
Two weeks later I actually tried
I don’t blame you
I just wish you hadn’t blocked my calls
Stuck in a hospital room
With these 4 white walls
After six days your face had formed on the scratches in them
You weren’t the first man to see my body
You were just the first to see my pain
The next man will see my chest
But when I show him my heart
He will see your name carved across it

Author:

23 year old poet from Columbus, Ohio. Follow me on Twitter and Instagram (@CandyCain152) for blog updates, artwork, for my random thoughts and to hear all about what I'm reading and listening too.

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